Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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