happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
