sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
