im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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