i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize