I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
OPIZZABONMYDICK
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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