You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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