Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
