Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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