he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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