How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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