Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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