Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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