i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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