I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
