3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sext me about skeletons
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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