i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
