Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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