theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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