mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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