Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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