Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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