every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
