OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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