He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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