God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Enjoy the penises
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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