i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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