went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
