I'm jealous of your bromance
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
