Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
