Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
