Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
