I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
this hospital has no fireball
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize