I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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