you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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