i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
