The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
