please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just forgot I was standing up.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
