I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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