Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
