everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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