Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
