In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just want nice things and good sex
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
