K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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