She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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