my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
