We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help