Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
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