he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.