I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?