i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
