i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Randomize
