This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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