I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
