i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My vagina is officially offended.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
