Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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