on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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