Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
