im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
