if i died would you start the facebook group?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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