Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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