White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
