You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
