Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i drank out of a bidet.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
