I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
