You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
