So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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