This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
