I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
