Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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