my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize