I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
